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What Dads Are Made Of? 
The three unique ways fathers contribute to childhood development
Judesen Culbreth -- In Readers’ Digest, June 2005
WILL MCALPINE, two and a half years old, likes to "help" his dad, Eric, in their suburban backyard in Glen Ellyn, Illinois. As father and son toss grass, leaves and rocks into a wheelbarrow, Eric points out different colors and shapes. Sometimes they pause during their chores to observe planes and clouds overhead. What they don't pay attention to is the mess of mud on their shoes – or how they leave a trail of dirt in their wake when they enter the house.
David Pike of Charlotte, North Carolina, relishes reading to his three young daughters at bedtime. He reads familiar favorites like Goodnight Moon and Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham. Just as the girls' mom, Katie, thinks David has the kids settled down, "a giggle fest erupts," she says. Five-year-old Aidan begins pleading for David to "squirb" her (the family's term for making funny sounds on their bellies). "Squirb me. Squirb me too," squeals three-year-old Herrón. By now everyone is wide awake.
Dad: He's a mess-maker, rule-breaker, risk-taker. In general, he's the opposite of Mom, the master nurturer, creator of law and order. But for all his mischief. Dad is doing something quite right. The same daddy-like interactions that sometimes annoy moms will significantly contribute to children's social skills and success in school. "Children's social, physical, and intellectual development benefit greatly from the involvement of fathers," says Kyie Pruett, MD, professor of child psychiatry at Yale and author of Fatherneed . The intellectual gains are measurable as early as the first year of life, and they continue to show up through high school, especially when dads, together with moms, are actively involved in school and learning.
According to the experts, fathers create this intelligence advantage, as well as many others, in three important ways: in how they play, interact in everyday situations, and teach.
1. Rough-and-Tumble Dads
Fathers tend to be more arousing and unpredictable with kids from the get-go. They rock infants more than moms do, and roll around with them in floor play. Babies as young as eight weeks old notice the difference between a mom's protectiveness and a dad's stimulation.
When pediatric researcher Michael W. Yogman, MD, videotaped two-month-olds, for example, the little ones showed special signs of excitement when their fathers approached. They scrunched up their shoulders, breathed more rapidly and opened their eyes wide. And kids pick fathers over mothers for fun and action more than two-thirds of the time, according to a study of the preferences of two-and-a-half-year-olds by Alison Clarke-Stewart, professor of psychology at the University of California, Irvine.
When Tim Otterman of Morristown, New Jersey, wrestles with his sons, 9-year-old Chad and 8-year-old Andrew, "it's about affection, not aggression," he says. "They're also learning their capabilities and limitations."
Research shows that this kind of daddy-style play builds cognitive skills, and helps children acquire social and emotional experiences that prepare them for school – how to take turns, how to negotiate, regulate and understand feelings, and how to be a leader. "Kids who learn these early social skills from their fathers do better with peers," says Ross Parke, distinguished professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, and author of Fatherhood.
2. Dad as Explorer and Expert
I still remember when my own dad, Ralph, first took me to work with him. I was just four years old the day we awoke as the sun was rising. He boosted me up into his gas truck, and we headed out to farms in eastern North Carolina. The acres of crops, the big animals and the farm machinery were all spellbinding. I wondered: How did he find out about these places and know how to talk to people? In my small-child way, I understood that this experience was unique: My dad had introduced me to a world beyond my own neighborhood.
From our earliest moments in life, dads help us face the world. Most moms prefer holding their infants toward them; babies find this safe and comforting. Fathers swap that feeling of security for a broader view, letting babies notice the sights and sounds around them.
When a dad asks his child for help with yard work, for example, he opens the door to informal teachable moments about biology and botany. Kids value the information and novelty, and their conversations about real things – what educators call "science process talk" – create the curiosity and problem-solving skills needed for science and math.
3. Dad as Unique Teacher
In this country, most children don't have male home-room teachers until middle school. The shortage of male teachers in preschools and grammar schools means that most kids miss out on the experience and competence that men can share – making it even more important for dads to play an active role at home.
One way to do this is by reading together. The books a father selects, and the way he reads them and talks about them, strongly influence kids' language development, reading skills, and general knowledge, according to Pruett. A dad is more likely to choose nonfiction over fiction. He might select a book about airplanes, treating his child to a varied vocabulary and the enticing sounds of his male intonation.
Daddy-style reading does make an academic difference, many experts agree. Girls whose fathers read to them, according to a Michigan study, show much higher verbal skills. For boys, the stakes are perhaps higher. When a father doesn't model reading, a son may decide that it's not an activity meant for males. And when boys don't read for pleasure, it's a choice that handicaps their fluency, word recognition and knowledge base.
Other advantages: When fathers teach how to build with blocks or throw a ball, they're constructing large- and small-motor skills, sensory pathways and body awareness.
Encouraging Time With Dad
Moms sometimes spoil the fun with concerns about sleep, safety or cleanliness. Parke suggests that moms pick their battles. Mom Katie Pike agrees. "David is so enthusiastic with love for our girls," she says. "I wouldn't want to intervene. In fact, it warms my heart to hear them getting all silly upstairs."
Dads also engage more with their children "when they're considered partners in parenting and not merely helpers," says Parke. "Let a father choose the activity, and he'll be much more enthusiastic."
"I welcome Eric's fresh perspective and physical attention to Will," says Caroline McAlpine. "When Eric walks in the door. Will climbs all over him." To promote this interaction, Caroline calls her husband during the day to let him know something Will said about him, or to say that their son is excited to see him. She also talks up Daddy to Will, nurturing their relationship – a role mothers do so well.
Even when men don't live in the same home with them, their presence in their children's lives is still vital. "We have a saying: There are ex-husbands but no ex-fathers," says Parke. "The studies on divorce are quite clear. Children do well when they know that their father cares – for example, if he supplements visits with telephone calls, letters or e-mails."
Moms and dads are indeed different, concludes Parke. "But their distinctive styles of caretaking complement each other perfectly to the advantage of children."
Judsen Culbreth, former editor-in-chief of "Parent & Child" and "Working Mother," conducts workshops for parents.
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